Sooo, about friendships

Hey there! Welcome Welcome Welcome once again to a breath of fresh air.

If this is your first time here, welcome! I’m thankful you’re here and I hope your time here will be worthwhile.

Today, I would like for us to talk about friendships.

I know all of us have had experiences, both good and bad in this area, and as we go through life, we think we’ve seen it all but ha! There are more lessons to learn.

Personally, I love people, but I am also quite introverted and have a small circle of people in my life who I consider to be my friends. I’m more of a quality over quantity type of person, and I will admit that certain experiences have shaped me to be the way I am and perceive friendships as I do these days.

I would like to share with you guys, some of the various aspects when it comes to friendships, like qualities to look for and lessons I’ve learnt along the way.

Let’s begin by delving into the Word. I’ll share 3 different versions:

Proverbs 18:24

One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. (New International Version)

There are ‘friends’ who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother. (New Living Translation)

A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. (English Standard Version)

The dictionary defines a friend as a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations.

Some friendship green flags:

1. You’re able to be your authentic self with one another – you don’t have to walk on eggshells or feel like you’re holding back from being yourself. Your quirks and uniqueness shines through and finds a safe landing of warmth and acceptance.

2. You have fun – life is serious and can be hard sometimes, you need spaces where you can just laugh, have fun and not be too serious. It’s lovely having a person with whom you can share common interests, inside jokes, belly laugh and take it easy.

3. You trust one another – This does take time to build, and becomes stronger over time, but it’s such a blessing to have a person whom you can trust on your side.

4. You share common interests – The word of God, in Amos 3:3 asks, can two walk together unless they agree? In friendships, it doesn’t mean you agree on everything, but for the most part, you share common interests and may be the reason why you bonded in the first place.

5. You genuinely care about each other- we all need that person/people whom when they ask us how we are doing, we can be truly honest and open up. And even as you open up, you find one who listens, tries to understand, empathizes and tries their best to help you in your situation.

6. Honesty- the truth can hurt and be hard to hear sometimes. A true friend wants to see you succeed and do well, and when they can see that you aren’t going in the right direction, they will tell you the truth, call you out and correct you in love. We need people like that, even if we don’t like it.

7. Willingness to work through hard times- when relating with others, things happen and at times differences and disagreements can occur. I believe a genuine friend will try their best to work through the issues, instead of ghosting, that is, going on flight mode or disappearing when things get difficult in a bid to avoid the situation.

8. Loyalty- a person who, even in your absence will speak highly of you, and when they hear others slandering your name, they won’t participate in that talk. and even when opportunities arise for betrayal, they choose to be loyal.

9. Genuinely celebrating each other’s wins- and I mean genuinely being happy for one another and celebrating when either person wins at something or experiences a breakthrough. I pray that we may be content and happy with our own lives, such that we’re not plagued by jealousy or envy when others win.

10. Protection, safety, vulnerability- as mentioned, we need people whom we can be honest with how we are really doing, to be vulnerable and as we are, we are protected and we feel safe.

Lessons I’ve learnt along the way

There’s so much more to learn but so far;

1. We need each other – people were created to be social. Even as God was creating the woman, what did He say? ‘it is not good for man to be alone’ Genesis 2:18. I personally think, aside from companionship in a setting like marriage, it is not good for man to be alone in life in general. We live in times of ‘I don’t need anyone’ or ‘I’ve got me’ or ‘I’m the only friend I need’ etc. but life is built around relationships, we need each other.

2. Intentionality – the more I become an adult, the more I realize how we need to be intentional in our friendships, plus with the strains Covid-19 brought of social distancing and curfews, it can be hard to meet at times. I appreciate technology, but nothing beats that physical closeness, of being in each other’s presence, and if we aren’t intentional with maintaining that, then the friendship can easily fizzle out.

3. Some friendships are seasonal – and that’s ok! I’m one of those people, once I meet someone and we hit it off well and form a friendship, I would love for us to be in each other’s lives forever, but sadly, it’s not reality. People change, contexts change, goals and ambitions change and some friendships are just for a season. Appreciate it for what it was, and if God wants you to be friends again in the future, that’s amazing! If not, it’s ok too, what you needed to learn and experience with each other is done and it was great.

4. Friendship break-ups hurt, but they don’t have to be ugly- do you know there’s such a thing as a friendship break-up? It can be caused by so many things. At times it’s caused by falling out with a friend, or at times you may choose to end a friendship because it would be best for the both of you. You being in each other’s lives may have been causing more harm than good. It happens, but it doesn’t have to be ugly. You could try to have a mature, calm conversation and have closure, then end things. At times you may never get closure. I remember a few years ago, a person who was once my friend stopped talking to me, and it seemed like they didn’t want me in their lives anymore. It really hurt me. Eventually I stopped reaching out and hoping for things to change because the more I did, the more I broke my own heart. I just chose to gracefully exit. I may never forget, but I chose to forgive and let go for the sake of my own heart and peace. I rest knowing that I was a solid friend and their actions towards me could have been for reasons beyond me. Maybe you’ve been in the same situation as me, it may hurt right now, but take it one day at a time, allow God to heal your heart. Guard your heart too, maybe you’ll need to remove their contact or restrict from watching their social media updates which could be potential triggers. Also, don’t let one bad experience hinder you from opening up to new friendships. Even if what happened in the past happens again, you’ll be much better at dealing with it now.

5. Friendships as an adult is different than when in childhood/teenage hood- as we ‘adult’ and grow up, we begin to take much more responsibility and life begins to move at a different pace. You may observe that your friends or even yourself, are getting married, having kids, building homes, careers and businesses, basically life gets busy and there’s a lot to do. How we do friendships also changes. Let’s say you launch something like a business or a blog *wink wink* and your friend doesn’t support you, as you thought they would. It would be easy to get offended but how about extending grace? Unless that person isn’t a genuine friend, maybe they’re unable to support you cause of a multitude of other reasons. It may be financial constraints, health issues, familial issues, mental struggles. They may be fighting to find ounces of strength to just get through their day. Maybe put yourself aside and be there for your friend and try to see things from their perspective. Build whatever you are building anyway, the ones who will support you will be there, choose not to be focused too much on those who don’t.

Personally, I didn’t tell anybody, absolutely nobody about this blog until I actually announced it publicly on my socials. I freed my heart from any expectations and gave people the freedom to choose whether they wanted to subscribe, read my posts or offer any form of support, and I wouldn’t treat them any different despite their choice. I allow people to be free, because if they were to support it would be genuine and not out of obligation, I know I would appreciate the same. Everybody is different, but this works for me.

My parting shot is this, value your friendships, especially those who have been loyal and solid friends to you, because that’s a rare thing to find these days. Even if it’s just that one friend who sticks closer than a brother, as The Word says. In case of issues coming up, fight for your friendships and try your best to work through things, don’t be so quick to cut people off in the name of it being ‘toxic’.

Also, God cares that you are surrounded with good friends, and is very capable of orchestrating encounters for you to make friends. Be willing and open to new friendships, don’t let the bad experiences in the past block new blessings coming in, in form of great friends.

To the person reading this, I pray that God blesses you and surrounds you with people who truly have your back, will support you, be honest with you and be there for you through the changing seasons in life. I also pray that WE, ourselves be good friends to others, at times choosing to take a look in the mirror, acknowledge our shortcomings and be willing to work through our issues, so that our friendships can thrive!

That’s all for me this week!

I hope this post has helped you, one way or another. If you want, kindly like and share this post, also feel free to comment or hit me up on the socials to engage, I would love to hear from you! Also, the next newsletter will be going out tomorrow, so if you’ve subscribed, be checking your e-mail, if not, feel free to do so in the section below this post.

Thanks so much for reading this, I pray God blesses you with great friendships!

Till next time,

Xoxo

BK.