I just turned the big twenty-fine, sorry, twenty-five, and of course, I was going to prepare a post sharing 25 lessons I’ve learned in this life! Feels strange to have been here for a quarter of a century already haha. Anyway, let’s get into it.
1. You are single until you are not
It’s 2024, and one of the things we will no longer do is allow ourselves to be dragged along a ‘situationship’ or ‘prolonged talking stage’, or ‘just going with the flow’ kind of relationship, thinking these things are defined relationships. Until that person makes it crystal clear that they want to be in a committed relationship with you, YOU ARE SINGLE, and you should act like it.
2. You don’t have to experience something yourself to know that it’s bad for you
You don’t have to experience being severely burnt deliberately to know that it is painful and leaves lifelong scars. So, why do you keep putting yourself in dangerous situations, having seen the consequences that others have had to live through? Love and respect yourself enough to observe and learn, so that you don’t experience the same things.
3. Some of your ‘insecurities’ aren’t yours
When we were kids, our brains were like sponges and we believed everything the adults around us told us, even though it wasn’t true. When it came to negative comments, we internalized them and grew up knowing that they were our insecurities. However, some of these so-called insecurities aren’t actually yours. They were a projection of another person’s insecurities, or perhaps a careless statement said in a moment of anger, and as a child, you took it as truth because you thought adults knew everything. A fun and necessary part of adulting is that you have the opportunity to unlearn some of the ideas about yourself that you’ve grown up with and create a new identity. Challenge those thoughts and ideas you’ve always had. Are you really that shy? Are you really a failure in life? Are you? Or did someone tell you that and you believed it?
4. You are your greatest competition
It’s time to stop focusing too much on what others are doing, and focus on yourself and your life, and making the best out of it. Your greatest competition is who you were yesterday, last week, last year… not another person. Comparison is such a thief of joy. The fastest way to lose perspective of the growth you’ve had, or lose focus on your journey, is to avert your attention to someone else’s journey. Remember, we all have our own lanes, and it’s about time that you stuck to yours and stayed focused on it!
5. Procrastination and laziness can be your detriment if you make it a habit
This one’s tough, but it’s true! The more you keep delaying the things you need to do, the more time and opportunities you lose. Remember that we are on earth just for a limited time, and I do believe God desires that we accomplish and experience all that He has set for us. We won’t do this if we keep postponing or dragging our feet.
6. When in the ‘talking’ stage, look at the actions, not the words
Because people can say anything they need to say to get their way, but their actions will tell you EVERYTHING you need to know. Remember, it’s not what they say, but what they do.
7. People are always watching give them a show
There are people in your life who will never say anything, but they will follow your every move, especially through social media considering they may not have personal access to you. It is quite daunting and uncomfortable. Regardless, give them a show! I don’t mean to be controversial, but I mean to be free, reach your fullest potential, work on your dreams, and reach further than they may think you will. Some will be inspired, some jealous, but you do you!
8. If you don’t speak up for yourself, no one will
And this starts with the simple things. If you’re in the nail spa or the salon and the person isn’t doing what you asked for, speak up! Otherwise, you’ll get something that you don’t like or ask for and have wasted your own money. Even in a restaurant, if they bring you the wrong order or your food isn't right, speak up! No one will do it for you and you deserve to be heard.
9. Learn to shut up about your goals until you accomplish them
I’ve realized that it is for your own good to practice some level of discretion, not only in real life but also on social media. When you keep telling people what you’re going to do, your brain registers that as if you’ve done it, and you are less likely to get it done this way. I suggest keeping some things to yourself, until the right time. Whether you want to start a business or you finally meet your dream person, keep it private till it’s permanent. It’s not everyone that wishes you well.
10. If you have expensive taste and enjoy the fine things in life, do your habits align with this lifestyle?
One of the things that my Dad taught me is to always seek and settle for nothing else but the best. I have chosen to carry this mindset with me as an adult, and I have chosen and accepted that I like the finer things and desire to enjoy them. However, I have also realized that the work is cultivating my habits and mindsets into alignment with this kind of lifestyle. So that when I do get access to these things, I steward them responsibly.
11. Don’t make the mistake of thinking everyone thinks or sees things like you do
We’re all different and have had different backgrounds, experiences and mindsets. You won’t always agree on everything with everyone, and that is okay. Therefore, don’t be too shocked when you realize other people don’t think or see things as you do.
12. As you heal from childhood trauma, especially inflicted by an adult, always remember you have always been the child
I think this lesson has been the most healing. As we go on our individual healing journeys, it is important to realize that the harm that may have been inflicted on us in our childhood, by an adult especially, wasn’t our fault. The adults should have known and done better, unfortunately they didn’t. Despite this, we still have a responsibility to heal and unshackle ourselves from that pain and trauma. But as we do, let’s remember that we were children and we simply didn’t know any better. How could we have known?
13. If it’s for you, it’s yours, and nobody can take it away from you
The job I have now is nothing short of God showing off. In my post on the things I did in 2023 for the first time, I mentioned that I went for my first interview ever and got the job. What I didn’t mention is that I got rejected at first, but things turned around later on. Like I got the rejection e-mail and everything, and I had even processed it and moved on. But, I guess the Lord was like, ‘ No Kambe, this one is YOURS’. and let me tell you, especially if you are reading this and on the job search, there is a place for you, that has your name written all over it. Put your best foot forward and trust God. He will open the right doors at His perfect time and no one, NO ONE will be able to stop or oppose Him.
14. Don’t be the one to tell yourself no, let others do that. Stop self-rejecting.
Try as many things as you can. Your youth is for you to explore, take risks, fail, and try again. Don’t deny yourself the lessons and experience you’ll get in the journey because you keep telling yourself no. Let other people tell you no, but you, don’t be that person.
15. Other than your relationship with God, your relationship with yourself will determine how you see the world.
Your inner world will determine how you see the world out there. That’s why it is important to constantly check in with yourself and do some self-work, to know where your mindset and ways of thinking come from, instead of placing that responsibility on others. Take ownership of your perspective and move in the world from there, not to be determined by what happens out here.
16. If you’re an empath like me, learn to observe and not absorb.
I think being an empath is like a double-edged sword. You’re able to be compassionate and feel other people’s feelings, even though you haven’t had the same experiences as them. However, due to your ability to feel things deeply, you tend to absorb other people’s energies, both good and bad. The challenge is learning to simply observe and not absorb. Another thing that can help is being selective about what you expose yourself to. The people you hang out with, the music you listen to, the shows you watch…observe, don’t absorb.
17. If you have to prove that you are or have something, you’re not and don’t have that thing you’re trying to prove
An eagle doesn’t have to prove it’s an eagle, it simply is. It’s a powerful bird with strong wings, long talons, and sharp eyesight, which makes it an exceptional hunter. So, if you find yourself trying to prove something, then it’s not what you’re trying to prove it is. Otherwise, it should be simply what it is.
18. Don’t worry about the enemies you know, worry about your so-called ‘friends’ who low-key hate you.
I honestly don’t like this lesson haha. In my ideal world, people are genuine and you can be friends with everyone who smiles in your face. In the real world, however, this isn’t the case. Pray that God may remove people who are not for you out of your life. Also, if you know that you’re not genuinely someone’s friend, just remove yourself, or ask God to work on your heart. Another thing you can do to expose disingenuous people is to simply be smart but play dumb. Pretend you haven't detected their dislike. In time, especially when you accomplish something major, the true colors will come out.
19. Failure (and success) is an event, not who you are
One of the most freeing things you could ever do for yourself is to stop linking your identity, who you are as a person, to what happens to you. This will help you stay stable, whether you succeed or fail in something. Your successes don’t make you prideful and your failures don’t push you down so much, to the point you can’t rise again. You are you despite what happens or doesn’t.
20. Document as much as you can. The memories you capture will be the only thing you have left
One of the ways I have romanticized my content creation journey is that I see my life as a movie. God is the director, I am the main character and everyone else is in the supporting cast haha. So, my phone is an instrument to document all these moments. When I take a picture, it’s a magical moment frozen in time. And I can later look back and allow those memories and feelings associated with that moment and reminisce. Also, at some point, the people and the things we take pictures of will be the only thing we have left of them. This lesson makes me remember my late pet cat, Pepper. She’s not here with me anymore, but I am so glad that I took so many videos and photos of her because that’s all I have left now.
21. Breathe through the discomfort of being a beginner and people seeing you try
As you grow, you will experience this a lot. This is one of the weaknesses that come with being a young adult, lack of experience. You’ll need to learn so many things and it will be very uncomfortable having people seeing you try, but try anyway. Breathe through it. As long as you keep at it, you’ll be an expert in no time.
22. As a woman, one of the greatest gifts you can ever give yourself is healing and settling into your feminine energy.
I honestly laid down my hyper-independent self and chose to embrace my true feminine essence. This doesn’t mean I don’t stand on business and don’t have to put my big girl pants on from time to time, it just means that even when I have to apply myself, I do it from a place of my true identity as a woman. I allow myself to feel first, even as I come up with logical solutions to problems, I allow myself to be treated like a lady. I relinquish control and allow some things to just be what they will be. I make space for spontaneity and fun. It’s nice here.
OK, enough of the serious lessons, let’s have some fun!
23. The color pink is so beautiful.
I’ve never liked it as much as I do now. It’s such a beautiful color!
24. Pineapple STILL belongs on Pizza! And it’s totally OKAY to eat a burger with a fork and knife!
I will STILL STAND BY THE FACT THAT PINEAPPLE BELONGS ON PIZZA! And I will add a new one, it’s absolutely FINE to eat a burger with a fork and knife. You don’t have to take a big bite like most people. Be unique! Be different!
25. I started using a menstrual cup about four years ago, and I’m never going back
This is exclusively for my girlies! One of the things that has made that time of the month much easier, is using a menstrual cup instead of pads exclusively. I began using one in 2020, and I have never looked back. I spend less money on pads, I am less likely to stain my clothes, I can stay with it without changing for up to 12 hours, I am more comfortable and at times even forget I am still on my period. It took me a minute to know how to insert it, but once you get a hang of it, it’s amazing.
That's it for me for this post! Happy twenty-fifth to me, and all of you who may have or will be turning this new year . May the rest of our twenties be awesome!
I'll see you on the next one!
xoxo,
Miss Kambe.
Happy 25th Kambe!
Loved your lessons :)
Awesome read and happy twenty fine.
To many more years full of Gods blessings