Friendships can either make or break you. They can either radically improve or deteriorate the quality of your life. If you want to make better friends, or improve the quality and state of your current friendships, then keep reading.
Hello there, and welcome to today's blog post.
I know, I know it's been a while! Things have been pretty busy on my side, and life has been lifiinnggg.
Regardless, I am so delighted to be back and hope to stay consistent.
Let's get into it;
1. It starts with you
If you want better friends, start by being one.
It would be quite hypocritical and ironic to say that you want better friendships, yet you aren't a good friend yourself.
Do you gossip about your friends behind their backs?
Do you tell your friends the truth, even though it may make them feel a certain way, or do you lie to them just to make them happy?
Do you help your friends out when they need you, or are you there just for the good times?
I wanted to start with this point because it’s so easy to point fingers and look at others. But, start by looking at yourself. Look in the mirror and have an honest conversation with yourself.
Ask yourself, Am I a good friend?
2. Have standards and look out for red flags
Something that I have learned recently is that we talk so much about having standards and looking out for red flags in romantic relationships, but I noticed that we rarely ever talk about having standards and looking out for red flags in friendships.
I think the older we get, the greater the need for good quality friendships. Because we really don’t have time for petty drama, right?
When someone comes into your life, who could be your friend, I’d encourage you to take your time to know that person. Get curious, ask questions, know who they are, their values and, what they stand for.
See how they act in different scenarios. How do they act when angry, sad, disappointed, or frustrated?
How do they handle conflict?
Are they constantly talking to you about others? Cause if they are, there’s a high likelihood that they are talking about you to others, and probably not in a positive light.
Choose your standards in friendships.
Of course, there is space for compromise and extending grace, but define what you will tolerate, and what will be the sign for you to walk away. Be cognizant of red flags, and have boundaries on how much of you and your life you are willing to share with someone, based on the standards you've set for yourself, and your judgment of their character.
3. In case of conflict, stop running away. Talk it out.
Conflict in any kind of relationship is normal, friendships included.
I think we are way too quick to cut people off these days.
At the first instance of conflict, we are so so quick to cut them off, block them, mute them, etc.
Usually, this is a sign of avoidance. You may tend to want to run away from uncomfortable conversations, maybe because you were never taught to have them, or, any time you wanted to have a hard conversation, it ended in shouting matches.
But, I would like to encourage you to give your friendships a fighting chance.
If you are having a disagreement with a friend and there is some tension between you two, take that leap of faith, reach out, and try to talk things out.
Regardless of how things turn out, at least you leave knowing that you tried.
Also, one of the worst things you can do in a friendship, especially during conflict, is fuel the fire by talking about that friend behind their back or doing petty things like posting cryptic memes on your WhatsApp status, to take jabs at them, to pass a message, instead of just reaching out to them directly.
Don't do that, talk it out. I have found that when I go through a rough patch with a friend, instead of cutting them off, we talk it out. It makes our friendship stronger and we become closer.
4. Pray for good friendships. They exist.
I believe that God brings people together for different purposes. Some come to you to teach you something, to launch you further into your destiny, or to help you heal from past hurts.
I’d encourage you to invite God in this space. Allow Him to lead you to the right people. Trust Him to give you the discernment to know who’s genuine and who isn’t and, ask Him to shape you to be a better friend to the ones you have right now.
If you have reached the end of this post, thank you, I appreciate you.
Remember to like this post, and share it on your socials, so that other people can partake of the wisdom shared here ;).
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I'll see you on the next one!
Xoxo
BK.
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