Hello loves! Welcome to this week’s blog post. I appreciate you being here and if anybody hasn’t told you lately, you’re doing great!
This week’s blog post is a heart-to-heart, from my heart to yours, and I hope that what I share with you resonates and helps you.
I’ll begin by saying when you give your life to Christ, it doesn’t mean that your life will be perfect. It’s quite the opposite. At times, it feels like there’s more drama! We live in a world with a culture that’s most often contrary to the principles spelled out in the Bible, so we’re always facing the friction that comes with it.
Anyway, let me take you back to the version of me about a year ago.
For me, 2019 was a tough year. It was the year that God stretched me and my faith was tested in ways I never knew was possible. It seemed I was living on the edge, waiting when the next blow would come. It was trial, after trial, after trial. I may not go into detail into what exactly was happening at the time, but by the time the year ended, I WAS DONE and ready to move on.
You know the way people say to make gold much stronger, durable, and valuable, it needs to be taken through fire set at a high temperature, or the way diamonds are got from charcoal, by subjecting it to incredible amounts of pressure. The final result is cute, the process to get to the final result isn’t. I felt like the gold bar taken through the fire, I felt like the diamond being subjected to incredible amounts of pressure. And while at the end of the process I was happy with the woman I had become, I still felt a certain way about the process that was and what it entailed but I didn’t want to admit it to God.
So, 2020 began and I was kinda excited for ‘the new decade’ but not as much as most people if I was honest. Though, I remember sitting down and creating a vision document with all my goals and all I wanted to accomplish during the year. Covid happened and everything changed. On the outside, I looked happy, put together and some people even admired the strength that I had shown the past year but behind the scenes, it was a completely different story.
I was struggling. Like really struggling especially in my walk with God. At first, I didn’t know why, but as time passed by, I began to know why, I was just too proud to admit it. The truth is, I was harboring so much pain and baggage that it left me numb. To cope, I used to binge on movies a lot, even at times stress eat. I didn’t want to socialize. At the time I was in ministry and I remember, whenever a meeting would end and people would stay after and socialize, I never wanted to do that, I was ready to up, leave and go home immediately. At times I would even leave early, not because I had to, but I just didn’t want to be there. I didn’t want to begin processing my baggage because I felt there was so much to unpack.
It was no different in my quiet times with God. I would try to pray and get into the word and worship, but I just knew in my heart that I wasn’t getting into it. The pain I was hiding had caused me to be numb to God. Other times during meetings, I knew and I could sense the Holy Spirit moving so beautifully but I just felt like I was floating. It was frustrating being in a place of knowing that something isn’t right but being unable to articulate what exactly isn’t right, so you’re just there. I was waiting on God to do something, but He was waiting on me to finally be honest with Him.
There’s a statement that says ‘You can’t heal what you don’t/won’t reveal’ I finally had my breakthrough with God. One night, I was feeling weighed down, and simply put, I missed God as well as myself. I missed how free I was with Him when spending time with Him, I missed how open and loving I was to people, I missed how wide-eyed I was in my perception of life and how hopeful I was, and I’m sure He missed me too. I know you’re waiting for me to tell you of something dramatic that God did at that moment, but it was so simple. I just talked to Him, candidly, honestly, openly, truthfully about how I was feeling. It didn’t happen in one day, but slowly by slowly my heart was won.
It wasn’t easy, it wasn’t cute, and it took long (God is so patient btw!) but as I continued to take baby steps, and allowed God to heal my heart and restore my soul, I didn’t just find myself and feel like me again, I discovered an evolved, beautiful and awesome version of myself. My younger self would probably find me super cool! I got clarity of what His will for me was, including the birth of this blog. I began to dream and hope again, and this time I’m not settling for less! Plus, I couldn’t be more excited for the future.
Even though that season ended and I passed the tests that came with it, I still carry the lessons with me. At times, we may find ourselves simply doing what God told us to do, minding our business and obeying Him, then all of a sudden, we experience trials, pain and hurt. We go through these trials and come out victorious, but we carry with us the wounds we got into our future and end up bleeding on others. Sis/Bro, we were never promised an easy life, there are so many scriptures that speak of us facing persecutions and sufferings but we are also told to take heart for Jesus has overcome the world.
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33
At times it feels like God’s will is hurting us and is causing more damage than good. But He sees the complete picture and this is just a portion of your story, and God has a way of turning what was a bad situation into good, all for His glory. If He could for it for me, He can do it for you.
Keep going and don’t give up. If you feel that you've been harboring pain and hurt from the past, don’t be afraid of being honest with God about how you truly feel. There’s nothing that you would say that would shock Him. Stop running, hiding, and suppressing, reveal so you can heal. When you’re hurt, you’ll hurt others ,but when you've healed, you’ll help others heal as well. I took this screenshot a while ago and it’s been my main source of inspiration when writing this post.
I’ve learnt that even though we may go through trials, God’s will is that we come out of it, Healed and Tough, not hurt and mean. You can follow @kingofsolomon on ig for more posts like these, they bless my heart!
I am Bertina and I am Healed and Tough. I hope you can boldly declare that with me. If you're not there yet, that's ok, and I pray that you will, some day soon.
Also, if you have someone in your life who you could talk to and they could offer some Godly and wise counsel and would support you in your journey, please do. If you want to talk to me, you can do that as well. :)
Feel free to e-mail, dm, or leave a comment down below. Like and share this with a person who might need it.
That’s all from me this week, from my heart to yours.
Xoxo
BK.
Scripture to meditate on;
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.
1 Peter 5:10
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