Guarding your heart while single

Hey friends, today’s post is a juicy one ;)

How do you guard your heart while single?

This is something I’ve had to learn, at times the hard way, but I think it’s super important. Proverbs 4:23, a verse we've heard being said over and over again;

Guard your heart with all diligence for out of it flows the issues of life.

As one who gets attached easily (I’m talking about me btw!). I’ve been in situations with the opposite sex, whereby the boundaries that were supposed to be in place kinda blurred and the relationship was not defined, and unknowingly, I began to perceive the person(s) in a way that was much deeper than a friendship, such that when I sensed a slight change of energy from them, I would get anxious and scared and always like ‘what did I do wrong?” I would begin to analyze basically every encounter I had with the person and it would breed a lot of insecurity, fear and weirdness. I didn’t like being in this space at all.

However, I believe that God works everything for our good (Romans 8:28) and if I hadn’t gone through such scenarios, I wouldn’t have learnt how to guard my heart as much as I do now. And I believe I’m sharing my story for you, who’s reading this so that you don’t have to go through what I went through hehe, and if you are currently in a situation like this, or were and are trying to move on, well I hope you get the help you need.

Anyway, let’s explore the question, really, how do you guard your heart while single?

My golden word of advice is something that God told me, that honestly changed my life, He said ‘If that guy hasn’t communicated his intentions, don’t invest’ what do I mean? Us girls, we know ourselves, we see that guy, we like him, and soon we begin to fantasize. We plan the wedding, the number of kids we’ll have and the kind of house we will live in, right? And we do all these in our minds, without the guy knowing that we’ve already planned our future together, and all this time, the guy hasn’t said anything. Lol.

Can I give you some advice? I don’t think it’s wise to assume that someone is interested in you. Assume is defined as 1.suppose to be the case, without proof (dictionary definition).

I’ve realized something about men (and if you’re a man reading this, correct me if I’m wrong), men know what they want, and once they see what they want, they’ll go for it. They will pursue.

And if he’s not pursuing, don’t invest. Don’t put your life on hold, in hopes that you ‘suspect’ a person likes you. You’re still single boo.

Live your life, enjoy yourself, seek God and serve Him with all your heart, allow Him to show you what your purpose is and go for it. There’s so much for you to explore and experience, relationships and love is great, but there’s plenty more to life than that.

I’ll also share with you some practical tips on how you can guard your heart while single:

1. Just because you’re single, it doesn’t mean you can’t go out on dates.

When someone asks you out, it’s not automatic that you’ll marry that person. Take a deep breath, relax, take it easy, one step at a time, one day at a time. You’re simply spending time with the person, to get to know them and see if you’re compatible with each other to eventually make a commitment. That’s all. Also, you have a choice here and don’t let anybody force you if you don’t want to go out with them, you don’t always have to say yes and you deserve to be respected despite your decision. Okay?

2. When you find yourself liking someone (and this applies to me as well!):

• · Be honest with yourself – I personally think, in most African upbringings, liking someone was deemed as bad or embarrassing (this is just me). Such that when you started having feelings, you thought something was wrong with you, you thought it was wrong to have such feelings. But it’s totally normal. We have been created in God’s image, and at times we can’t help but admire God’s creation, because some people out here be fiiiiiiine hehe. Anyway, if you like a person, its normal, be honest, first with yourself, then with the person, if you want to. ;)

• · Guard your heart and mind from fantasizing and investing (in your head) into something that does not exist. - I’ve shared about this earlier in the post. I think the danger in forming these fantasies in your head, is that it sets you up for disappointment because there’s a high chance that what you thought, may not happen. How this happened for me, I would like someone, I begin to fantasize, these thoughts would fan aflame my feelings more, then I would be hit with a slap of reality when I find out the person I liked and had built a life with in my head was already with someone or interested in someone else who was not me. Then I’d be heartbroken and silently nursing my hurts, things would get awkward and I couldn’t blame the person because they had no idea, plus it would take me a really long time to get over it. I really hated being in this space. It takes time and intentionality, but anytime you find your thoughts going crazy, remind yourself that this person hasn’t communicated anything so don’t assume. Your mind and heart are precious and you guarding them is not only protecting you from disappointment, but also the relationship with the other person from getting awkward.

• Respect the fact that your feelings may not be reciprocated and that’s fine.

There’s nothing wrong with you, you just may not be their preference and that’s okay!

• Talk to God

It sounds weird, but talk to Him, just the way you may have a conversation with another person. It may come as a surprise, but God does care about every single facet of our lives, even this one! and He will help you navigate through such spaces, give direction and wise advice. He’s the one who told me not to invest my heart and feelings in a guy who hasn’t communicated any intentions and since taking Him up on that, my life and relationships have changed for the better. I’ve learnt how to guard my heart more and to enjoy and embrace my current single self :).

3. Ask

If someone comes into your life, and they're always talking to you, wanting to hang out, even buying you gifts, please, ask them what their intention is. Clarity is such a blessing! We now choose not to run on vibes and assumptions. Inasmuch as we expect clarity from others, we also practice it with others. This can help you save each other's time and get clarity on the place each of you have in each other's lives, so you can apply yourselves accordingly.

And word of advice for any gentleman (even ladies!) reading this, please don’t drop hints or show signs to someone that you like them when you really don't and have no intention of committing to them in a relationship, in the future. If you’re interested, like in a serious way, say it with your chest and be clear. Clarity, like I said is such a blessing. Constantly calling/texting or reaching out almost every day to a particular person, can easily give the vibe that you’re interested in more than just friendship. Even worse, if you’re doing it out of boredom, please, kindly don’t. Stop.

That’s all for me this week, I hope you’ve enjoyed reading this post and learnt a thing or two. If you’re single, let nothing and nobody hold you back from having a blast and remember to guard your heart and mind.

Ok, now I am done for real. Please give this post a like and share it on your socials if you want to. Feel free to leave a comment and reach out with any feedback, questions, suggestions etc. aaaand,

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And remember, your heart is so precious, guard it.

Be blessed!

Xoxo!

BK.

Scripture to meditate on

I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.

Song Of Solomon

8:4