Hello loves! And happy new month! We’re already in the middle of 2021 and this year is going waaay too fast. But anyways, today I would like to share with y’all on my experience with counselling and why you should consider it.
The first time I considered counselling was early last year. I even wrote it down as one of the things I’d like to take up in 2020, but I didn’t follow up on it due to the pandemic and all. However, coming into 2021, I decided, if not now, then when?
It was actually a particular incident that took place that the alarm bells in me went off because some deep-seated emotions, feelings and old memories were triggered and I knew it was time I got professional help on some of the things I was struggling with. I’m one person who rarely asked for help. I say asked in the past tense because it’s one of the things I took time to work on and these days I’m much more willing to ask for help or delegate responsibilities and tasks to someone else, so that I don’t get burnt out and overwhelmed.
My main reason for going for counselling was because in the recent past, and even in times before that, there are certain events that took place, that were traumatizing, overwhelming, painful, confusing and just plain hard, and when you go through such, it can get to a place where you get so caught up in the midst of your struggle that you begin to identify yourself with it, and don’t know who you are anymore. Then, when that difficult season is over, you’re kind of left there like ‘ok, I appreciate how much I’ve grown, evolved and become strong, but, what is my place? Who am I? What am I supposed to do now?’
My goals going into it, was to confront and talk about certain experiences that I never would talk about, get a fresh perspective on these experiences from someone who was professionally equipped with the knowledge of providing the tools on how to navigate through these issues because I was tired of trying to figure it out on my own. The thing about counselling, it’s not a miracle cure to the issues you may have, but it equips you with the tools, knowledge and wisdom you need to navigate through the issues you face, and at the end of the day, it’s up to you to choose how and if you’ll apply what you’ve learnt.
You may be thinking, if you’re a believer, you already have Jesus (and He is and will always be enough!), so why would I need counselling/therapy? The portion of scripture that comes to mind is James 5:16.
Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.
We were never put on this earth to do life alone, and unfortunately, we live in a broken and fallen world, and stuff like tragedy, pain and trauma are very real and everyone has or will eventually encounter it and will need help and support from people to go through it and come to a place of healing.
Many of us put something I like to call ‘A Jesus blanket’ over some very real, painful and traumatic experiences. We plaster a ‘God is good’ and appear to be strong when truly we’re struggling and need help. We need to have some kind of healthy outlet, someone to talk to or a shoulder to lean on. We need spaces to be honest because the truth sets us free. Otherwise, when we suppress, that thing we’re trying to suppress will show up elsewhere. In your relationships, in your health, your body… we were never created to suppress. And no matter how much we try to run and hide, that issue will still be there and will catch up with us. This isn’t to scare you, but to encourage you to take that leap of faith and ask for help. I’ll share some screenshots I took a while ago, from @heatherlindsey that inspired me.
Out of my own experience, these are just some of the things I learnt through my counselling experience. I only had five sessions and at the end of it, I can say all my objectives were met. I learnt that:
My emotions, feelings and experiences are valid
In most situations like me, you feel you’ve got to be the ‘strong’ one, it’s possible to ignore or shut off your own feelings and get into survival mode, for the sake of others or to ‘keep the peace’ but I realized ‘hey, I have a voice here and I feel a certain way for some reason and I think it would only be fair to try and find out what’s going on and take time to address it. It’s real and valid and I don’t have to suffer in silence’
Asking for help isn’t weakness, its strength
In this point, I’m also reminded of another portion of scripture, 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.
And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.
I love that Paul here says that he would rather glory in his infirmities so that the power of Christ may rest upon him, then he says when I am weak, then I am strong. Asking for help is empowering and gives you access to true, genuine strength. You’re allowing yourself to be vulnerable and honest with yourself, allowing someone else to pour into you and help equip you with what you need, so when you say you’re strong, it’s not a façade, it’s strength for real.
It can be scary because you don’t know what you might uncover but it’s worth it
At times during the sessions, my counsellor would be like ‘what are you thinking right now?’ this allowed me to dig deep and learn how to clearly communicate and articulate what I was thinking. It’s crazy how most of our behaviors as adults, are influenced by what we experienced in our childhood because we’ve carried it with us. Being in counselling may cause past memories, some unpleasant, to surface and it can be really hard to confront them. But this is a good thing, you’re finally being brave and doing the work and choosing not to be defined or confined by trauma. Such moments can trigger strong emotions and it’s awkward to cry in front of someone, but do it anyway (I know I did! Lolz), let it out, allow yourself to feel so that you may heal.
I don’t have to be the ‘savior’ in everything
This one is personal. I learnt that it’s not a must that I be the ‘savior’ in every situation. I used to put tremendous pressure on myself to be on point and perfect every time, or to always be the best in every situation, so that someone might say ‘wow Bertina, you’re the best!’ I was trying so hard to prove myself to others, but I’ve learnt that I have nothing to prove, I am already enough as I am. Plus, I ought to extend grace to myself whenever I’m not at my best, cause constantly beating myself down, was NOT working.
Another factor that may cause others not to seek counselling is the cost, if that’s a factor, or you prefer to start small, thankfully we have the internet and there are so many articles, videos, podcasts and social media pages that drop nuggets of therapeutic wisdom. I’d like to share some of my faves with y’all and you can check them out at your own time.
@drcarolineleaf she also has an awesome podcast, find in the link below, https://open.spotify.com/show/7zPnnLDZA9qb8mwuvlxoZZ?si=soEjxGalTUeLwuAOi5b9jg
These are YouTube videos on therapy/counselling
This week’s post has been long, but this is something that has helped me so much, I would say it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made aside from giving my life to Christ, and I hope you could take that leap of faith and try it.
Feel free to shoot me a dm, e-mail. Like, share and comment on this post and lemme know what you think.
See you on the next one!
Xoxo
BK.
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