We often talk about red flags in relationships, but how about we talk about green flags to sprinkle some positivity?
Hey there, and welcome to today’s blog post. I am still in the mood and headspace to talk about friendships, so that’s what we will talk about today. If you haven’t seen last week’s blog post, stop right here, click this link, and check it out, then come to this one. I would consider these green flags to watch out for in your friendships. If you have a friend or friends who have demonstrated these, consider yourself blessed!
Anywhere, let’s get into them;
1. They make an effort to nurture your friendship
The older I get, the more I realize that great relationships don’t just happen, the people in them have made a conscious decision to make it work. No matter what season of life they are in, or what they are going through, they have decided to create space for this friendship.
One of the green flags is just that, someone who has shown time and time again, effort in making your friendship work. Of course, the dynamics and the way they show up is unique to every friendship, but you can see that this person makes an effort to call or text you, to meet up, or simply check in to see how you’re doing.
Remember to also do the same, because if a friendship is to be functional, the effort ought to be mutual. Otherwise, it becomes one-sided and that’s a no-no.
2. They tell you the truth
When I wrote this point, a certain Bible verse came to mind.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 1st Corinthians 13:6.
One of the greatest marks of genuine friendship is having someone who loves you enough to tell you the truth, even though it may not feel good.
A true friend will see you going down a dangerous path, and tell you to stop. A fake one will see you going down a dangerous path, and say nothing. They may even cheer you onto destruction.
Choose friends who are genuine and courageous enough to tell you the truth.
Not those who lie to you, just to make you feel good.
3. They communicate with you
I think proper and clear communication is a basic life skill, but it’s surprisingly rare in friendships. It is quite important to practice clear and timely communication with your friends, because proper communication begets clarity, and clarity begets peace of mind.
Using myself as an example, one thing that I have had to work on is overthinking. For example, if I have been on good terms with a friend, then all of a sudden feel a shift in their energy, I tend to get into my head and start overthinking.
Is it when I said this?
Is it when I did that?
Is it because I texted them back late?
When the whole time, it was never about me. Maybe they were busy, or going through something and needed space to process.
But, how will one know that if you don't communicate?
Therefore, having a friend who communicates with you, is a huge green flag.
4. They support you, genuinely
In case you do not know by now, no man is an island, and for you to go far in this life, you need support. You need people in your circle who will lift you when down, and come through for you when stuck.
A friend who genuinely supports you in your vision for life, ambitions, and passions, is definitely a keeper.
5. They forgive and extend grace to you
None of us are perfect, as we will mess up at one point in time.
In our day and age, cutting off people and being cut off by people is a common theme. We rarely give our friendships a fighting chance. Do you forgive your friend and extend grace when they do you wrong, or do you cut them off the very moment they mess up?
How would it feel if the roles were reversed, and they did the same?
Of course, there are limits to this, and it is healthy to have boundaries over what we can and cannot tolerate.
However, it is important to have friends who extend grace and forgive us for our shortcomings.
Cherish such, because they are rare to find. Also, do not take their graciousness for granted, they are human and can get tired.
6. They listen to you
Do your friends listen just to respond, or listen to understand?
It feels so comforting when you tell something to a friend and they remember.
The thought that would cross your mind is, ‘Wow, you were actually listening to me?’
At times, we aren’t looking for advice, just someone who will listen to what we have to say. If you have a friend or friends who do that, that’s a huge green flag.
7. They respect you
A huge indicator that a friendship is headed to an end is when either or both parties begin to disrespect each other.
Disrespect can be demonstrated by the way one talks to you. Are they constantly demeaning you? Are they insulting you and masking it with ‘it’s just a joke’
Btw, allow me to drift and vent a bit.
What’s with these friendships whereby people find joy and satisfaction in roasting (insulting but in a joking way) each other? I feel like such ‘friendships’ are toxic, and those ‘friends’ are low-key haters. If you are friends with someone, you do have a love for them, right? And love is kind. Insulting each other for fun isn’t.
Disrespect can also be demonstrated by overstepping boundaries. Let’s say you told a friend, multiple times, that you are not ok with them doing something. Yet, they repeat it over and over again. It’s downright disrespectful. True friends respect each other.
8. They accept you
I wanted to put this last because I believe that ultimately, we are all looking for a sense of acceptance and belonging.
We all have an inherent need for community, and we find that in friendships. Finding a friend who accepts you, with all your good sides and bad, is such a blessing. I think one of the most hurtful things in life, is when you find out that someone was your friend, not because they saw you and accepted you as you are, but because they saw you as someone to fix. It’s almost like you were their ‘little project’.
But that should not be. You are not a project, you are a person.
You deserve to be loved and accepted as you are, even as you work on your weaknesses. An environment of acceptance and love is more conducive and effective than one of constant criticism, for one to see the importance of working on their flaws so that one can have better relationships.
Even as you go through these green flags and check your friendships against them, check yourself too. Do you demonstrate these green flags? Do you make an effort in your friendships? Do you tell your friends the truth? Do you accept your friends as they are, flaws and all?
If you have reached the end, thank you so much, and I hope this post has blessed you.
Remember to like and share widely. I would really appreciate it.
I’ll see you on the next one.
Xoxo,
BK.
Thank you for this ♡