Heeeey! Yes I am back! I just finished my exams last week, and I am happy to be back to writing and posting every week as usual. How are you doing? My hope is that you are well, taking each day one at a time and hanging in there. You are loved and we need you here
In today’s post, I would love to share with y’all 22 things that I’ve learnt so far in my 22 years of living on earth. I know I am young, the experiences I have gone through in my young life may not be many, but I believe I have a voice, something to say and contribute, and I think we can all learn from each other despite our age. So let’s get into it.
1. Tough times don’t last
It’s unfortunate, we live in a broken world, and life can be so hard sometimes and none of us are immune to hard times. I’ve been through seasons in the past whereby I was hanging by a thread, they seemed hopeless and I never thought I would get out of it. But with time, the tough season passed and I got my smile back. No matter what you’re going through, it may look impossible, dark and extremely difficult right now, but it will pass and you’ll come out of it stronger, wiser, healed and filled with joy.
2. You can’t change people
People will only change if they want to. The only person I’ve ever known to cause radical transformation in someone or a situation is Jesus, and last time I checked, none of us are Him lol. You may do and give your best to others, and they may not change. Please take a step back and don’t lose yourself while helping others find themselves. They’ll only change if they want to.
3. When you do the work, it’s not just for now, but has a ripple effect
In this case when I say work, I don’t just mean to acquire wealth, but also taking time to become self-aware and heal from past traumas, so that you don’t pass down any negative behaviors, habits or mindsets to the generations coming after you. Let’s say you had a negative experience of Fatherhood, maybe your father wasn’t present in your life, was abusive or wasn’t there for you, and you vow to never be like him. Well, if you won’t be like him, then who will you be? Because without your knowledge, the subconscious mind registers these patterns and without knowing, the same way that your Father treated you, is the same way you’ll treat your kids. But if you take the time, to do the work, to get help, to understand yourself and background, to get to the root of why you are the way you are, to confront, to process, heal, have those hard conversations, you’ll know better and therefore do better. Trust that the seeds you’re sowing today will be harvested by the generations coming after you, it’s never in vain. The change you’ve been wanting to see in your family can start with you.
4. Take each day one at a time
I’ve read a bit of the book ‘Atomic Habits’ by James Clear. It’s a very popular book and the concept behind his teachings is that the daily small habits that we do every day, eventually lead to huge results. If we focus on being one percent better every day, those small acts added up will lead to remarkable results. When you set a goal, instead of focusing on the bigger picture, getting intimidated and giving up, just focus on being excellent in the small acts, build better habits and there’s a higher chance of achieving your goals. Let’s say you want to get a degree and graduate from school. Start small. Create a simple timetable and schedule study times, show up to your classes, do your assignments well and submit them on time, consult with your teachers and fellow students. They say don’t sweat on the small stuff, but the small stuff is what eventually builds into big achievements.
5. Seasons change, environments change, people change but God never does
At times we can get so comfortable with what’s familiar, and you might never think that things may change. But life is full of change and there are seasons of transition. Maybe it’s finishing school, getting married or moving away from home. Things, seasons, people and contexts change, but one person who will be there with you through every changing seasons is God.
He never leaves nor forsakes us and He is the same today, tomorrow and always.
6. It’s okay to change your mind
Maybe there was a time you believed strongly in something, but after knowing better, you changed your mind and now you think differently. I know we live in a world of cancel culture, ‘cancelling’ people because of what they said in the past, when they thought different than what they think now. But it’s ok to change your mind, the past is the past, it’s gone and done. What matters is who you are now and what you think.
7. You can still associate with someone whom you don’t agree with 100%
I think one of the main issues today, is when we encounter someone with whom we don’t agree with 100%, we are so quick to dismiss them and say they are wrong. Either party may be wrong and that’s ok. You can present both of your views, debate and still be gracious and kind to one another. Don’t be so rigid. Stay true to your values, guard your heart and don’t compromise. But also try your best to listen to others, and try to see things from their own perspective. It’s part of life and that’s how you grow.
8. Take care of your body
This is the vessel God has given you to be identified with and be able to live on earth. You only get one, might as well take care of it. Try to eat *mostly* healthy foods, drink enough water and move your body. You don’t have to join a gym or go on some crazy diet. Take daily walks and start by incorporating at least one fruit a day. We said we start with the small daily habits to lead to remarkable results right? And also, we do want to be strong and healthy enough to carry out our assignment on earth, right?
9. Boundaries! Boundaries!
I can talk about this all day. But I think it’s important to have boundaries not only with others but yourself. There’s so much to cover here but all I’ll say is respect yourself enough to have boundaries. They are meant to protect your mental, emotional, physical and spiritual well-being. For example, you have work tomorrow and it would be better to sleep early to be well rested for the next day, but there’s an amazing series on Netflix, and we both know saying you’ll watch one episode translates to watching the whole series lol. Maybe you can set a boundary, that when it reaches a certain time, all electronics should be off and it’s time for bed. Or you could have a boundary like, after a certain time you won’t respond to calls/texts until the next day, so that you can just rest or be present as you spend time with your family. Something like that.
10. Communicate
Having clarity and openly communicating about a certain issue can really help our relationships. I think some of our relationships ended because we didn’t communicate. The falling out was a result of assumptions and rumors. I think we (including me) need to do better in talking with each other and understanding one another. Instead of keeping things to ourselves and being passive aggressive.
11. Learn from your mistakes and fail fast
Nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes, and we all have encountered failure. It’s ok. Failing fast means acknowledging and processing through the failure, but not setting up camp or a prolonged pity party. Keep going.
12. Not everyone will like you and that’s ok
You are not everyone’s cup of tea, and you’ll find yourself in situations whereby a person won’t like you for literally no reason lol. You don’t like everyone either and that’s ok. Keep being you.
13. Patience
It’s a principle for life. It’s a fruit of the Holy Spirit. We live in a fast world, and are always looking for easier, faster and more efficient ways to get things done. But don’t despise the waiting. Be patient with yourself, others and the vision and dreams you hope to achieve. In the right time, it will happen.
14. Adamancy
There are times and moments to take a step back and let things just flow, but there are those times to stand your ground and be adamant. I’ve had to be adamant and believe what God said, despite what I was seeing in the natural was completely contradictory. If you sense in the depths of your spirit that you should do something, go somewhere or whatever, stay strong, rooted and adamant. The same people who criticize you today, will be running to you for advice hehe.
15. Contentment
Take a step back, look into your life and count your blessings. Make the most of what you have and God will multiply it. The party isn’t anywhere else, it’s in your life, your work, your family, your home. Celebrate what others have, but appreciate what you have in your hands.
16. Social media is a highlight reel
I think social media is great, and a lot of great things have come out of it. But it can also breed a lot of insecurity and comparison. Keep in mind, most people post their wins and not their losses, there’s a lot more that happens in someone’s life than what they choose to post. We all do it. Guard your heart, and don’t compare someone’s highlight reel to your real life. Also, take breaks as much as you need to for the sake of your mental health.
17. Overnight success is a myth
Whenever I see someone who has genuinely and organically succeeded in a certain field, I’m always curious to find out how and when they started. You’ll find that they went through process and, they started from somewhere. It applies to all of us, there may be seasons of obscurity, seasons whereby we feel nobody cares or what we’re doing doesn’t count. We may even find ourselves planted in contexts that don’t necessarily align with the big dreams we have in our hearts. But, the word of God says, do not despise the days of humble beginnings. Every season is important and equips you with principles that are necessary for you to thrive in your purpose.
18. Self-care is more than just facials and chilling
The facials, pedicures and manicures are a plus, but there’s more to it than that. It’s about confronting your own issues, habits that a setting you back and making the changes to be a better person, for you and other people around you.
19. Never stop learning
No matter how old you are, there’s always something new to learn. Never lose the wonder and wide-eyedness, be curious and strive to know the reason behind things. Read the books, travel, and do your research.
20. You are never alone, you are loved and needed
In a time and generation whereby there seems to be a lot of interaction through social media, it’s interesting the way many of us are lonely, feel unloved and like we’re not important in real life. Well, you are loved, needed and important. You have a purpose on earth and a reason to exist. You’re not just a statistic. You are important.
21. Use discernment
If something doesn’t feel right, just let it go, there’s probably a reason why you were feeling that way in the first place. It may be about a person, a place, a thing, or even leaving your house that day. If something doesn’t feel right, acknowledge that and take the necessary action.
22. Most importantly, cultivate your relationship with God as soon as you can
Saving the best for last. I gave my life to Christ almost 4 years ago and it’s the best decision I’ve ever made. It amazes me to this day that what Christ did 2000+ years ago is still relevant to this day. Him dying for us on the cross, cleansing and separating us from our sin and reconciling us to God is the ultimate demonstration of love. When you acknowledge and believe this, everything changes. Don’t wait to get your life together, come to God as you are, He will meet you right where you are in your mess and help you out. Don’t think that these ‘churchy’ things are for older people, no, it’s never too late, nor is it ever too early, when you give your life to Christ, that’s when you really begin to live.
Ok friends, that’s it for me this week. Thank you so much for being here and if you made it till the end, thank you
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Xoxo
BK.
Scripture to meditate on:
Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.
1 Timothy 4:12
Amazing amazing piece❣️❣️❣️ thanks