soooo...about my skin...

Heey y’all!

Welcome to today’s post!

Today, I would like to share something personal, that had been a great source of insecurity for me in the past, that I've also avoided for a long time, but there is power in vulnerability. It's about my skin, more so my journey with acne.

For as long as I can remember, I've honestly never been the girl with clear skin, even till now. The earliest I remember ever having clear skin was probably when I was super young, like in class 3 or younger. I've always struggled with rashes, tiny bumps, pimples, scars and all kinds of blemishes. I've struggled with acne and mahn, its been a long journey.

How it all started

The earliest I remember seeing bumps on my face, I think I was in class 4, and i had these teeny tiny cluster of bumps in the middle of my forehead, around my t-zone (my forehead down towards my nose). it didn't really bother me, cause as a kid, such things aren't a big deal. then, as I grew and began to go through puberty, my skin began to be super oily. I remember looking at photos and my forehead was just about the brightest thing that stood out, like a disco ball or something lol.

Then, I began to get like a pimple here and there on my forehead. Of course I began to notice and began to look for some treatments. I started some over-the-counter medicines, that you find in the chemist, I think the one I used was called Clozole-B, it did work for some time, but I didn't understand or know what ingredients it had and what it was truly doing to my skin, I was just a kid and all I cared about was having my skin free of any of the blemishes. I also tried these at-home treatments we read about, like the lemon juice, bicarbonate, cinnamon and honey etc. Any you can think of, I tried!

I cringe every time thinking about it, cause I realize how damaging these things were to my young skin. After sometime, the blemishes on my face, began to not only appear on my forehead, but they began spreading to my cheeks, I was terrified and wanted it to be just a nightmare I could wake up from.

The Aftermath

Sooner or later, I had acne on my whole face. I remember how detrimental it was on my self esteem. especially when people would point it out, like I didn't know...well, I KNEW, I saw it every time I looked in the mirror.

I used to avoid photos. Whenever I was in a public place, that had mirrors, like a public toilet ,I would avoid looking at myself , worse still if other people were there. Looking back, I don't know how I was able to manage to deal with it daily as I did, cause wow, that was rough!

Some of the incidences I remember was how, at times I would be having a conversation with someone, and see their eyes, as well as their concentration drift from what we talked about, to the condition of my skin, and I could just see and imagine them they're thinking, "wah, how does she manage living life with skin like THAT?"

I remember in primary school, even some teachers would point this insecurity out, it was so annoying. I enjoyed the subject science and was quite good at it, but I cringed every time we had to go through the topic of adolescence, cause I was clearly going through it! lol.

I remember there was a time I used African black soap, cause it was getting so much hype and I thought this would be the answer to all my skin problems, but instead I suffered one of the worst break outs I've ever had to this day. I had these big pimples appear on my forehead, and they were sooo painful.

Mind you I was in primary school and I had to go to school like that, plus I'm a tall person so I'm easily detectable (lolz). aaaand to make things worse, I was head girl in primary, so many people knew me, ughh stressss. I think it lasted for about a week, then my skin calmed down and the break out cleared, but that was rough!

The same story continued in high school, but at least here I wasn't alone, cause some of my classmates and colleagues had the same problem, but I personally never wanted to address it lol.

I think for me, high school was the toughest time because acne really took a toll on my self-esteem. I was in my teens, trying to understand myself and what my place was. I wanted to be like the other girls, who were pretty and had flawless skin, because at the time, that's what I thought would cause me to feel like I fit in. I even remember I would never ever say that I was beautiful or even imagine a guy would be interested in me, cause this acne thing was weighing me dowwwn y'all.

When things began to change

It was in form 3, when I was fed up with trying all these new products only for them to end up not working on my face, cause I tried, so many of them! I did some research and came across this new method called oil cleansing. and I thought, why would I want to add oil to my already super oily face? lol. but I tried it anyway, and I think it worked. Also my hormones by this time had began to calm down, so my skin began to clear up a little bit.

(Oh I didn't mention this, but I later found out that my acne was hereditary. My dad once told me, when he was in high school he had really bad acne (well, thanks dad! lol) I'm kidding though, no hard feelings!) This explained why no matter what I tried on the outside, hardly ever worked. The cause of my acne went all the way back to my lineage lol!

Anyway, we were talking about oil cleansing...

When I saw this, I noticed feeling a bit more confident about myself, I became more open ,more outgoing and took more photos of myself, and wasn't scared of mirrors anymore, heh. and this was just to show how this acne was holding me back.

Anyway, this is my skin now ;)

bare-faced, no make-up (I don't wear any make-up btw, apart from mascara, eye liner and lipstick, which is occasional. I actually like make-up, I just haven't invested time yet in learning the craft, cause I don't wanna be on these streets looking crazy!).

I wish I had such photos of my skin when I was really struggling with acne, but like I said, I was scared of photos lol.

Since then, my skin has become more clear, though not perfect. butttt its definitely come a long long long way and I really appreciate it. Apart from a better balance of my hormones, I've always loved the area of health, wellness, nutrition and fitness,(I actually wanted to become a nutritionist, but high school Chemistry happened lol, and that was out the window!). I always try to eat as healthy as I can, drink as much water as possible, and I've found a love for exercise. I guess my skin has improved because of these practices. I still believe there is more, and the skin and beauty industry is always evolving, new products are always coming up, more people are speaking up about skincare and ingredients that are good/bad., so there's always hope.

There's so much to share about this topic, but that's my story :) this is an area I'm so passionate about and can never get tired of exploring! I want to shout out to all of the people, both girls and guys who have or are still struggling with acne. I feel you, It gets difficult and can really take a toll on your confidence. I get and understand when people stare, I get how annoying it is to receive unsolicited advice, I get how frustrating it can be when you find a product and put all your hope in it to work, but it doesn't do anything, or makes things worse. I see you.

My advice and from what I have learnt from my experience:

• It won't be always bad, change takes time and your skin will get better. Remember, the goal is healthy skin and not perfect skin. Blemishes, scars and pores are normal.

• Don't count yourself out of life or stop yourself from being present because of your skin. Confidence comes from the inside, so clear skin or not, you are worthy, you are important and your presence and contribution is valuable.

• Surround yourself with people who are positive, accepting and see the more that is in you, and not just the condition of your skin. As much as you can, steer clear of those who give unsolicited advice, or make you feel worse about yourself. You don't need that.

• Take action and be patient and kind to yourself. If you do want your skin to get healthier, do some research, if you can, visit a dermatologist to know the root of the issue, and how to solve it, according to your personal skin needs. Even as you are on the journey of healing your skin, tell yourself that you are indeed beautifully and wonderfully made, you are worthy, and you are more than what you look like. Think about your talents and gifts, invaluable things that make you awesome, that have nothing to do with your appearance, I'm sure they're way too many to count! :) also, remember to have fun as you try out different products and techniques.

• Lastly, I wanted to mention some things that aren't ok to say to people who have struggled/ still struggling with acne, just for us to keep in mind, this pic summarizes it all.

Anyway, friends this is what I had in my heart to share with you today. We will continue in the same tangent next week, I'll share with you guys how I take care of my skin, my skin care routine, tips , products and my skin care plugs. If that's something you'd be interested in, stay tuned!

I hope you've enjoyed reading this! I appreciate you, kindly like and share this post if you'd like to, and if you haven't subscribed, please do so that you can be receiving my bi-monthly newsletter :)

I'll see you next time!

xoxo

BK.