PART II
Hello loves and happy Saturday!
I hope you guys have been well since Wednesday, and have been waiting in expectation for part two of my testimony.
So, without further ado, let’s jump in shall we?
So, if you haven’t read through part I of my testimony, I’d encourage you to read through it, i've put the link to it at the bottom of this post under 'related posts', so you can get to understand the flow of the story and sequence of events.
So, where were we? Oh, the depression part.
Yes, so while I was in this state of depression, it first started out with feeling sad and crying all the time, to the point of feeling numb, not looking forward to the future, just floating through life.
Now, at the time, I used to do computer classes in town, so that's where I used to go to during the week. While there, I met this amazing girl called Sarah. You know those people with whom you just click immediately? I actually thought she wasn’t a real person lol. By then, I had never met anyone with whom we agreed on so many things and had similar thoughts and opinions about many things. She’s a God-send.
One day, during class, she told me that on her way to the computer classes, she met this other girl called Joyce. Upon having conversation, she found out that Joyce did go to the same computer classes place, but her classes were earlier than ours. They also found out that they lived near each other. So, they had a conversation and it led to talking about God. Joyce then proceeded to tell Sarah about this ministry, mostly made up of young people, with majority of them still in high school, just cleared high school and about to join university, and also those who are in university. She told her that they have meetings on Thursdays and Fridays, and that’s where she went after her classes. She invited Sarah and Sarah said yes.
Now, Sarah was telling me all this in class and I was like ‘oh, that’s nice, hope you have a good time :)’ After class, we both met Joyce and she extended the invitation to me, and I said ‘Yes’. To this day, I am so glad I said yes, because that Yes changed my life.
On the way to the meeting, Joyce explained to us what the ministry is about and what they do plus other details. Honestly, I didn’t fully understand most of what she said lol. I was very very new to the things of faith and had never heard of ‘having a relationship with God’ but it fueled my curiosity to see what this place was all about. In the back of my head, I also thought that it was about time I started being serious about God, and join a youth group or something like that.
When we arrived, we found people sitting in a circle having conversation and talking about how their week was and what God had been teaching them. I was intimidated and hoped they wouldn’t ask me to say anything! What would I say anyway? I didn’t have a relationship with God, it felt like my life was in shambles and I was simply trying to survive. Well they didn’t ask me to, but ya girl was fascinated and kinda confused by what these people were saying. e.g
‘I am in a season where God is doing this and that in my life..’
‘God told me..’
In my head I was like, ‘wait, YOU CAN HEAR FROM GOD? that must be really cool’ their language was very new and foreign to me.
Now, after the conversation time, we spread out and got into a session of worship.
I was even more fascinated and intimidated because these people were worshipping for realz. Like hands up, closed eyes, singing with their whole hearts. It was genuine and beautiful, something I had never seen in my life. I just sat there with my eyes closed, occasionally glimpsing cause I didn’t know what else to do hehe.
Next people started praying in tongues and I was like ‘oh my goodness Bertina, what did we get ourselves into!!??’ a part of me was freaking out and I thought of leaving. I thought I’d just text Sarah and tell her ‘girl something came up at home and I had to leave’ ,which was a lie. But I stayed, and to this day, I’m glad I did. :)
After the prayer and worship session, the lady who was leading us asked who among us wasn’t able to pray/speak in tongues. I was like ‘oh no.’ knowing that I was one of them. I debated in my head whether I should raise up my hand, but I did. She then asked, If we would like to receive that gift and I was like ‘oookay, sure I, guess’ It was actually three of us.
So, all of us were paired up with someone to pray for us and just explain to us about being born again, the Holy Spirit and praying in tongues etc. we then stepped outside and we all prayed together and that was the moment I gave my life to Jesus and received the Holy Spirit plus the gift of speaking in tongues. After that session, I didn’t cry or anything, but I felt like this huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt light and joyful, and for the first time in a long time, I had this assurance in me that everything was going to be ok :)
We got back and joined the rest of the group, and at the time they were discussing this book called ‘The Spiritual Man’ I think by Watchman Nee, I’m not sure. I was in awe seeing people as young as I was, even younger so on fire for the Lord. I was particularly fascinated by how they effortlessly quoted scripture. I was like ‘I wanna be like that.’
I had to leave the meeting early, cause at the time curfew was a thing in our house, for me lol but I left my contact details with someone and was able to be added to the WhatsApp group, where I met more amazing people and was discipled. Discipling meaning, having someone who is more mature in the faith, closely walking with you and guiding you to become mature as well. Kind of like the way Jesus had 12 disciples. They walked with Him, He taught them and guided them to be spiritually mature, to the point that even after He left, by the help of the Holy Spirit, His disciples went on to spread the gospel and establish powerful ministries. Anyway, I knew going home that day that something in me had changed, I wasn’t the same person leaving the house that morning.
This event happened on the 20th of July 2017, which I would say is my 2nd birthday, because it is the day I was born again heh. Its been a journey and A LOT has happened since then. A lot of changes, growth, sanctification and transformation has taken place in me, lots of ups and downs... apart from the discipleship, I continued to attend these meetings to fellowship with fellow believers, I began to spend time in prayer and studying God’s word to renew my mind, in the capacities I was called to serve, I did my best and just discovering the more that is in God.
I am still a work in progress and will always be until God calls me home, from this earth. I am far from perfect but with God’s help and the power of the Holy Spirit, I am becoming more and more the woman God has always created me to be.
In hindsight, Jesus is my hero, I could never get out of the pit I found myself in without His help. What He did on the cross, by taking our sin upon himself and dying for us, is the ultimate form of love. Nothing and no one can ever fill the void in your heart like Jesus can.
Being born again, doesn’t mean that you’re a perfect person and do no wrong. It means you have been given a new identity (2nd Corinthians 5:17). You are new creation, you are adopted into God’s family and are now His son/daughter, now you have eternal life (John 3:16) . It is by the grace of God, and faith in Jesus Christ alone that you can be saved, never by your works. Your works (what you do, how you live your life) is as a result of your identity that is now found in Christ after you get born again.
Since our identity is secure in God and we have eternal life, does that mean we live precariously and sinfully? No we don’t. It’s true, when we confess our sins, God is faithful to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1st John 1:9), it is also true that God is the one who wills us to do that which pleases Him (Philippians 2:13), and the more that we continue to seek God, we become more like Him, His desires and ours begin to align, that which is pleasing to Him pleases us, that which breaks His heart breaks ours as well (see, Matthew 6:33). Therefore, the more you continue to walk with God, the more the sins and addictions that you used to struggle with begin to fall off. God just doesn’t deal with the outside, He transforms you from the very core of who you are, and like I said, your actions are a fruit of the transformation that God has made and will continue to make on the inside of you. After I got born again, some of the things I used to struggle with, especially lust and impure thoughts, just fell off and I had and still have zero desire to fall back into those habits.
People refrain from being born again for a myriad of reasons, but one of them is intimidation. How can I be holy and live rightly? Truth is, in and of yourself, you can’t. That’s why you have the Lord and the Holy Spirit that you’ve been given access to by believing in Jesus and His finished works on the cross. See how the heavy lifting has been done for us? Our job is to submit, trust and obey and even in that it is God who works in us to do that which pleases Him (Philippians 2:13 again).
The journey isn’t easy, but it sure is worth it!
I dedicate this blog post to Sarah and Joyce, who are my dear friends to this day. It surely is by God’s grace that our paths crossed. He knew whom and what I needed and provided it at the right time. I don’t know where I would be or who I would be if I hadn’t met you guys, but I never will have to :). God bless y’all and I love you!
Okay guys, that’s my testimony. I hope this has helped and inspired you in some kind of way. God is mighty, He is great and powerful. You’ve probably heard that from others and I hope that one day you say that, because you got to experience it yourself. If you’re feeling lost, hopeless and like you’re too far away from God, I pray that He may come to your rescue in your greatest time of need. I pray that He may bring people in your life in an extraordinary way that would help you know Him more, I pray that by His power, you may be freed from the things that you’re struggling with, and you may experience the joy, freedom and satisfaction that is found in Christ.
In Jesus name, Amen.
I love you guys, I’ll see you on the next one :)
Xoxo.
BK.
Thank you for sharing your testimony!